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Posts with tag CinematicalSeven

Cinematical Seven: Overlooked Gems from the Top Half of '08

Filed under: New Releases », Cinematical Seven », Lists »


Yesterday, Scott posted a terrific month-by-month report card looking back the 2008 movie scene from the halfway point. With the interval between theatrical and DVD release dates shrinking steadily, a lot of the movies from January through June are either already available on DVD, or soon will be. For your consideration, here are what I consider to be seven underseen, underexposed, and/or unfairly overlooked gems from the year to date. Something to consider next time you log on to Netflix.

In no particular order:

1. Charlie Bartlett - I'll clamber out on a limb and call Charlie Bartlett the most valuable movie for young teenagers this decade (despite its R rating). Most films for kids and teens unthinkingly implore them not to worry about being popular -- do your own thing! Don't worry about what your peers think of you! Good advice in the abstract, maybe, but completely detached from reality for most school-age kids, who have to, you know, go to school, and eat in the cafeteria. Charlie Bartlett is smart enough to realize this. Rather than imploring kids to "be themselves," it wants to say something about what the ones who are actually popular should do with their popularity. For once, it's a movie with a message aimed not at the misfits but at the leaders: the kids who are smart, charismatic and capable; the schoolyard trendsetters and tastemakers. It powerfully suggests the importance of using that influence for good instead of evil. Oh, and it's bright, sincere, and very funny, with a downright miraculous performance by Anton Yelchin.

Cinematical Seven: Things That, Thankfully, Didn't Happen in 'Kingdom of the Crystal Skull'.

Filed under: Action », Classics », Fandom », George Lucas », Steven Spielberg », Cinematical Seven », Remakes and Sequels »



Warning: This post does contain lots of Crystal Skull spoilers. Read at your own risk.

Whether you loved Kingdom of the Crystal Skull or hated it, dreaded its arrival or could barely sleep at night in anticipation, I think we can all agree there are some things that we're really glad didn't happen. With George Lucas' oft-quoted desire for "wackiness," and with his Star Wars prequels being rife with mythology rewrites and well, "wackiness," there was cause for concern. I'm one of the individuals who didn't care for the film, but upon leaving, I knew it could have been a lot worse. My friends, who varied between loving, liking, and hating, agreed -- there could have been so many horrible things. For example, the much-maligned monkeys and prairie dogs could have broken out in a spontaneous and extended dance number, and the aliens could have appeared as Indy's father. So, this Cinematical Seven is the result of our roundtable rantings -- and, as always, I am anxious to hear your own ...

Cinematical Seven: When an Animated Series Goes Live Action ... and Gets it Right

Filed under: New Releases », Movie Marketing », Cinematical Seven », Columns »



Whether or not shows like Aqua Teen Hunger Force or The Simpsons succeeded in translating their television dynamics to the big screen depends on your point of view, but the release of Speed Racer this weekend raises a more specific question about the viability of turning an animated series into a live action spectacle on the big screen. The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle and Underdog both suggest how this goal can go wrong -- namely, by imploding on its absurd conceits. You may disagree with the inclusion of some of the following titles, all of which culled their material from animation, but it's fair to say that each of them takes its subject matter at face value, allowing the natural ingredients of the original sources to remain intact. Well, maybe not Super Mario Bros., but that one is a special case (fire away, if you must). Until somebody makes an Animaniacs movie with real actors, I'm sticking to this list.

1. Popeye (1980)

Robert Altman's offbeat ode to the famous Fleisher cartoon starring the spinach-eating strongman and his darling Olive Oil is the great misunderstood work of the director's career. Robin Williams and Shelley Duvall manage to bring utterly ridiculous characters into a realm of believability that you could never imagine when watching the show. Suddenly, Popeye made sense -- goofy, almost surreal sense, but sense nonetheless -- in the real world. Thanks to veteran adult cartoonist Jules Feiffer's screenplay and a soundtrack so catchy Paul Thomas Anderson borrowed from it twenty years later in Punch-Drunk Love, the classic status of Popeye can't be denied.

Cinematical Seven: Awesome Ideas for New 'Iron Man' Characters!

Filed under: Cinematical Seven », Comic/Superhero/Geek »



The critics loved it, the audiences seem to dig it even more, and the sequel has officially claimed a 2010 release date already: This weekend we're all about the Iron Man. (I was gonna say "This weekend we're all about the iron, man," but it was way too corny.) So while we've already been promised the arrivals of characters called War Machine, Mandarin, and Nick Fury, I hope that the fine folks at Marvel Entertainment will consider tossing a few of these guys into the mix:

Alloy Boy -- Desperate to become Iron Man's first sidekick, young Alfred Loye decides to build himself a suit made of several disparate components. A big fan of TV dinners and collectible unicorns, Alfred fuses tin with pewter and creates an outfit that proves to be as effective as a suit made of tissue paper and smoke. His demise at Bessemer mansion inspires Tony Stark to avoid future sidekicks.

Irony Man -- Although he and Tony Stark shared similar talents for pith and witty banter, Irony Man proved to be an undeniably difficult ally to deal with. The two heroes had a massive falling out after, in a fit of rare sincerity, Irony Man referred to Stark's newest suit as "quite nice, actually." Irony Man was killed by Lord Caustic of Sardonica. His remains are buried in Sarr Chasm.

Vitamin Gal and the FEmales -- After depleting their planet of iron (in a matter of weeks) and fully convinced that Tony Stark is Earth's very source of the vital element, the five young women descend upon the tycoon's mansion and have one hell of a weekend. After learning that iron is in fact one of this planet's most prevalent components, they beat the living hell out of Stark, leaving only Vitamin Girl to hang out for a while. (She would eventually leave him for Centrum executive Frumay Tuzinc.)

Cinematical Seven: Children's Books That Need To Be Filmed Immediately

Filed under: Classics », Family Films », Cinematical Seven », Lists »



Long before I was a Cinematical blogger, before I even went to college, I worked in the children's department of Barnes and Noble. It was a daily adventure, filled with germs, the beginning of the Harry Potter craze, impossible shelving arrangements, and fuzzy character suits (of which I was the inevitable wearer of). But I developed a real fondness for children's literature – or rather, rediscovered it, as I came across every book that had made me who I am today. And thanks to Harry Potter, not only are children's books doing bigger business than ever before, the trend has thankfully been towards literary adaptations on the big screen. So in honor of April's Nim's Island, May's Prince Caspian, and the eventual Where the Wild Things Are, here are the seven children's books that need to be put into production tomorrow. To my surprise, a few of these have already been made, but were either forgotten, badly made, or in need of a remake. (My opinion only -- and I apologize in advance if, say, 1969's version of My Side of the Mountain is one of your childhood favorites, you think it should remain untouched.)

I have to say, though, choosing only seven was incredibly difficult. It was a tough call between The Trumpet of the Swan and The Mouse and the Motorcycle, Jackaroo and The Black Cauldron. As I was writing it, friends and family kept throwing in even more selections. So I hope this reawakens the memories of your childhood favorites -- and I can't wait to hear about the ones you'd like to see onscreen too!





Cinematical Seven: Films with Hilarious Nudity

Filed under: Comedy », Cinematical Seven »



One of the scenes in Forgetting Sarah Marshall that people will be talking about over the virtual water cooler next week is the one that involves Jason Segel doing full frontal nudity. Yes, he lets it all hang out, and what's admirable is that he does it purely for the sake of a joke. That takes courage! That takes guts! That takes ... well, you know.

This isn't the first film to use nudity for laughs, of course. Comical naughty bits have a rich history in Hollywood. Here are seven movies with hilarious nudity.

Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan
What's funnier than a naked dude? A naked FAT dude. And what's funnier than a naked fat dude? A naked fat dude wrestling a naked skinny dude in a hotel room, and a hotel hallway, and a hotel elevator, etc., etc.

Cinematical Seven: Bad Ideas for Board Game Movies

Filed under: Cinematical Seven », Games and Game Movies »



Earlier today, Cinematical game-master Erik Davis informed us that Hasbro and Universal were teaming up to make movies out of games like Battleship, Candy Land, Ouija, and a few others. Now, I actually think that something like Battleship and/or Candy Land could actually make for some pretty good flicks, provided you hire some good filmmakers, of course. But then I got to thinking about all the BAD movies that could probably be made out of the old-school board games. And so I give you...

Roland Emmerich's Hungry Hungry Hippos -- An expedition to find the fabled White Marbles of Maui unleashes a quartet of stunningly ravenous and pastel-colored hippopotami who devour everything in their path. Able to re-attach their heads with only a parents' assistance, the Hippos seem completely unstoppable ... until one overzealous kid evens the playing field with a well-placed hammer.

Wes Craven's Operation -- John Smith had been admitted to General Hospital for only a routine appendectomy. But when he awakens, his penis is missing, his nose has been replaced by a light bulb, his body is covered with massive wounds, and three eight-year-olds are pulling tiny plastic toys out of his neck with an electric tweezers. Rated NC-17.

Cinematical Seven: '80s Action Heroes Worth Resurrecting

Filed under: Action », Cinematical Seven »

Now that John McClane, Rocky Balboa and John Rambo have made their return to the big screen -- with Indiana Jones on his way -- the question seems pretty obvious: Who will be the next 1980s action hero to come out of retirement and enjoy one last explosion of mindless mayhem and crazy carnage? I have a few suggestions...

Marion "Cobra" Cobretti (Cobra, 1986) -- After the original First Blood, Stallone went a little insane and not only directed the hilariously bad Staying Alive ... he also starred opposite Dolly Parton in Rhinestone. So obviously it was time for A) Rambo 2, B) Rocky 4, and a powerfully mindless cop flick called Cobra. It grossed only about $50 milion, but that's pretty solid in 1986 money. Oh, and Stallone's subsequent movie? The arm-wrestling one. Other options for Sly: Gabe "Cliffhanger" Walker (which is apparently already in development), Frank "Lock Up" Leone, Lincoln "Over the Top" Hawk ... and (of course) Detective Ray Tango.

"Dirty" Harry Callahan (Dirty Harry, 1971; Magnum Force, 1973; The Enforcer, 1976; Sudden Impact, 1983; The Dead Pool, 1986) -- Pretty damn unlikely, but I'd love to see Dirty Harry polish off the pistol just one last time. Hell, send him after the terrorists! (Another, more realistic wish: Clint Eastwood will deliver at least one more western in the vein of The Outlaw Josey Wales, Pale Rider, or Unforgiven.)

Cinematical Seven: Hottest Sports Girls on Film

Filed under: Sports », Fandom », Cinematical Seven », Lists »

This particular Cinematical Seven took awhile to sort out. First, I needed to decide whether I would focus solely on women who play sports in film or if I should open it up to women who play sports and/or appear in sports films. As you can see from the photo above, I went with the latter. Then I needed to decide whether I would only select drop-dead gorgeous women, or if there was room for the girl next door in the list as well. I'm sure you sympathize with the tough choices I had to make this afternoon. Anyway, in honor of Superbowl Sunday (Go Giants!), here are my picks for the hottest sports girls on film (a title which took me all of about an hour to come up with -- after all, there are so many different ways to write it):

Kelly Preston as Avery Bishop in Jerry Maguire -- She's harsh, she's intimidating and she doesn't exactly use those legs to kick a long field goal. Before Jerry (Tom Cruise) had his moral epiphany and wound up wooing the adorable Dorothy (Renee Zellweger), he was attached at the hip to the cunning, yet super sexy Avery. She'd come a long way from Space Camp, and after watching Jerry Maguire, I was extremely jealous that John Travolta got to spend every boot camp with this gal.

Cinematical Seven: Most Overly Used Lines in Trailers

Filed under: Fandom », DIY/Filmmaking », Cinematical Seven », Lists », Trailers and Clips »

Part of my job involves watching every single trailers that comes through the pipeline, and, in most cases, writing about it. Thus, it pains me to keep hearing the same old voice-over lines from the guy with the deep voice. A friend of mine, a comedian by the name of Jeff Sussman, once did a bit on the movie trailer voice-over guy. In it, he speculated what it would be like to live with the movie trailer voice-over guy. Do all of his dinner conversations begin with "In a world ... where chicken cutlets and mashed potatoes come together ...?" It was a pretty funny routine, and Jeff had the voice down good, but I can't blame the movie trailer voice-over guy (who has a name, but I like calling him that) because those lines are written for him.

Personally, I'd like to take a stand today! No more of this! The following lines have been used in countless movie trailers, and I feel it's about time we officially retire them. And if we somehow survive this impending writer's strike, perhaps we can get a little more creative; ya know, write stuff for the movie trailer voice-over guy that we haven't already heard a million times before. From this day forward, I urge all of you to take a stand and help us ban the following lines of dialogue from showing up in future trailers. Think about the children, people! This one is for them ...

"What he/she needed most was right in front of them the whole time ..."

I just heard this one ... for the umpteenth time ... in the trailer for an upcoming film that I won't mention. First off, why even say this line? Doesn't it ruin the entire ending of a film? If Jack (a struggling artist with a fear of circus clowns) meets Jill (a beautiful single girl who just happens to be a circus clown), isn't it obvious that finding her will help solve his problems? Do we really need to add on the extra line: "And what Jack needed most was right in front of him the whole time." Who cares, honestly. This line shows up in the trailers for a majority of romantic comedies, and every time I hear it I want to throw something at the screen. Let's come up with something a tad more original, like, for example: "And what Jack needed most ... was to get laid." Now that I'd buy a ticket for.

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